I have not started doing my 2500 word research paper on East Asian NICs for my Theories of Development class. I have all the materials I need, I just haven't read them yet. This paper is due on Saturday, before 12 noon, and at around 11 I have Philo orals, which I haven't studied for yet, which means that I definitely can't cram this paper in the morning it has to be submitteed. In fact, I gave myself a deadline that at around thursday night, I should've been halfway through my paper. It's now thursday, 5 minutes to 11.  

    I woke up at around 12:30pm, watched DOA on Star Movies (which, without the bikini-clad women would've been a total waste of time), and slept for the remainder of the day. Woke up again at around 7pm, ate dinner, and read a 30 page article on the Economic and Industrial policies of the East Asian NICs.

    I still have around 60 more pages to read before I attempt to begin my paper. And I have to finish it by at least Friday noon, because I have to read around 60 more pages for my Philosophy orals on Saturday. Last push for my two week hell-week. And then it's Cebu baby, 4 days 3 nights of lazying on the beach, consuming insane amounts of beer and lechon. I can't wait.

    So why, pray tell, am I blogging here, instead of minimizing the effects of my procrastinating ways throughout the sem? For one thing, I miss writing. A lot. Ever since this sem started, I haven't had a chance to write, as in really write, the way I used to. My writing endeavors have been in a drought, save for a few one liners that stuck to my mind when it first grazed it. I haven't writen anything creative for the past few months; that is, if you don't count the papers that I "creatively" crafted for some of my classes. Eversince that little mishap with my shifting into creative writing, I haven't writen anything remotely creative.

    I miss those days when I was fascinated with the most seemingly inane details of my life. I'd blog on almost anything, from ridding on the back of a trycicle, to the way the sky looks when I wake up, to watching shooting stars with my closest friends. I've had unforgetable moments for these past few months, like being fortunate enough to experience playing drums in the middle of Araneta, however, unlike before, where I immediately write things like that as they happen, I kind of just wallow in it and experience it, not recognizing any immediacy in writing it down.

    Fortunately, unlike before, I'd remember everything. There was a time that in the past that I'd purposely forget things that I didn't want to remember, which led to gaps in remembering my personal historic experiences (if there is such a term. You get me right?).

    My Philo professor told us that you are only young if you remain to be fascinated. If life bores you, and everything in life seems routine, then you're older than he is, because in his age (which is around 50-60, i guess), he never ceases to be amazed about the little things in life.  Fortunately again, I have regained this fascination on life. Things bore me, of course, but I am fascinated by the fact that I can still be bored despite my attempt to end my previous loss of fascination in life. I don't know if that makes any sense to you, and I don't care. It's because I AM that i can be senseless like this. This is one of the truths I've learned in my philo classes. That you can experience life only because you ARE. It's pretty obvious, I know, but if the obvious were obvious, there wouldn't be any philosophers (right my Philo prof?).

    There was this surprise Philo orals in front of the entire class a few week back, and I was one of the few who were called. The last question was, "who am I"? My answer was something like this:

"My name is Mico Cortez, and right now, I am Mico-ing. I am BEING Mico, and I am the only one who knows how to be this. I am standing in front of you, being stressed because of this surprise orals, and I know that I am standing in front of you, being stressed. And I know that I can only be stressed because I still AM. In all that stress in life, we sort of forget that we still ARE."

Then my Philo prof goes, "So, you ARE because you are stressed?" My answer: "No sir. I'm stressed because I AM." Or something like that. And everyone went OoooooOOOoooh. Haha

    Needeless to say, I am indeed enjoying my life, unlike before. No need to worry about me. I'm still here. Still AM.

First Fig

by Edna St. Vincent Millay

My candle burns at both ends;

It will not last the night;

But ah, my foes, and oh, my friends—

It gives a lovely light!